Friday, August 30, 2013

Slow War Cables Wikileaked!


The forces of Gaxen Kane march on Archbishop Sarpedon, who has sent a mighty host north in return, the dwarves of Lanthanum Chromate rolled a 02 against some NPC pirates in the first major battle of the war, but the rest is shrouded in Fog and Mystery.

Nevertheless, some diplomatic correspondence from Slow War has reached the general public, allegedly due to one Sir Manning, alleged thrall of one Lady Germanotta...
-
-
-

I'm sending a modest delegation being all like

"Greetings from ______. We present you with this communication from the Penumbral Princess Chimera Moon"< revealing  a cage with a gift of a Tarantella: a bunch of minstrels sewn together into a horrible spider shape> " For maximum potency of the wisdom bringing drugs of the liver, it should eaten raw and torn from the Tarantella while it is alive and still trying to kill you"

"We trust this makes _______ intentions perfectly clear"

Cool. Send a cake in reply. Made from liver and spices and surprisingly sweet.

Second hamper with an onyx spider connected to some unbowed ribbon at the bottom, covered with wooden and woven ornaments of many fantastic creatures, people and buildings. At the top is a jar of warm, golden sand.

_
-
-
-
-
A man chained to a little boat, at the bow of which is an oracular pig arrives and claims he has a message from _____. 
-
-
-
-
___
(rumbling) IT IS CALENDRICAL. AWAKE Attentiveness Plausible HECATON CONFIGURATION : I AM THE FATHER. I AM TIME. Patience FROM MY MOUTH THE EGG. THE EGG IS TIME. FROM TIME A VOICE. THE VOICE IS WITHIN THE EGG.

ACCESSING FUTURE MEMORY (sound of stone scraping) DELEGATION AS EXPECTED. STAY THE DOG AND BROOM : Time Allotment redacted

(escorted by utterly armored and fur-cloaked warrirors, an assembly of hooded monks bring forth a human sized egg on an ornate litter. the egg is struck with a platinum hammer. there is a chime of sublime purity, followed by three phased echoes. the egg cracks. from the egg spills a flood of tar, containing a nude, twitching figure.)

FROM THE EGG, SLOWNESS. THE SLOWNESS IS TIME. FROM TIME, A CHILD: ЇАЊОС́. THE CHILD IS THE FUTURE. Time Offset redacted

(the nude figure wriggles and chimes)

A monk translates. "His centipedal immensity is self-satisfied that your honored subcollectivity arrives at the accordant time." 

(rumbling) MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL COORDINATION ANTICIPATED

A different monk continues, "Please reiterate your recognized agenda for recorded posterity. Forms in quadruplicate are to be completed hence."
_
-
-
-
-
Responsibilities of _______
1) The _______ shall appoint a Seer to perform for ______ divinatory rituals calling on the Demon Princes of the Surface Slime, whose scummy film washes upon all shores, composed of the accumulated evils that drain from the earth.
2) The ________ is allowed to keep one of his ______ in order to ease the observation of these divinations.
3) No denizen of ________, even the ______, may call the Cruel Sovereign by the same title twice in the one day.

Responsibilities of _____
1) No denizen of _______ may kill a spider, clear a pool of algae, or fell a cypress, water-oak, or willow within the bounds of the city.
2) The above verminous life may be claimed by _______ ships passing ______.
3) A single blind locathah thrall of ________ may enter ______(normally forbidden) to claim white honeysuckle containing the sweet savor of children’s tears.

_
-
-
-
-
-
(Note: translated from goblinish: possibly garbled)

We definitely should not form an aggression pact instead, as ______ wishes to become invested in the wars of everyone.
 
Know that _____ has a quarrel with you and wishes to be intimately involved in all of your affairs, and believes that friendship is impossible between us, even if the past.
 
Then it is not settled. Contrariwise Goblinish anti-talk makes thing astonishingly clear.

Military support is necessary. _____ merely needs to not tell _____ when threatening troops movements are detected and ______ will share information from all of his spies and those of his allies. 

Additionally, this agreement is not a secret.

Your lack of fluency in the Goblin tongue brings us great sorrow.

_______ did not spurn my advances though the _______ is now my sworn enemy. A gigantic snail-beast has not been seen _________ nor have troop movement been seen in _____ (also an enemy of mine though poor Goblinish makes this ambiguous).

Bad.  Bad.  ________ will not agree to such a proposal, and may never decide to send troops if _____ becomes bored with peace.
_
-
-
My spies have intercepted a transmission which may be of value to you. At this moment, it is given freely, as both powers involved are distasteful to me.

But I hope you will remember us in ______ should an opportunity to do us a reciprocal kindness arise.

(TRANSMISSION REDACTED)

Reply: Yeah, been a lot of shit stirring going on already, ____, no one can trust anyone already. Not a matter of who will betray you as, who won't and not if as when.

Nonetheless, I, _____ am an utterly and completely straightup and honest geezer of impeccable moral standing, kneeling and lying prone on the floor. 

I take the information on board with thanks, and if it turns out to be bullshit, I'll gut you and toss your liver out for the crows. Sound fair enough?
-
-
-
-
-
-

No comments: